I remember thinking - “How did we let it get this bad again? How did we allow ourselves to be in the exact same position that we were in just a few years prior? This can’t be how it ends, can it?” There I was, standing in my apartment kitchen with a handful of pills and an audio-recorded suicide note for my loved ones to find comfort in. Was this really it? Was this all I had left to offer myself? What if I gave life one more shot? What if I gave myself one more shot?
My self-love journey began when I set down the bottle for the last time, and admitted myself into the hospital for detox and a psychiatric evaluation. There I was being wheeled into the facility at 9pm at night - I can still feel the armrests underneath my forearms, and smell that signature hospital smell. This was it. This is what taking the first step towards self-love felt like. It was uncomfortable, and raw, and real, and scary. But somehow the unknown of this self-love journey seemed a lot less scarier than regressing back to my self-destructive ways.
Mind. Body. Spirit. - Became the pillars of my self-love journey, because my identity consists of more than just my negative thoughts. I am a combination of my body and mind and spirit. I needed to get right in my mind whether that meant tending to my chemical imbalance through prescription medications or healing my emotional wounds through talk therapy. I needed to treat my body as a temple - from food to exercise to those I allowed to be one with my body. I needed to revive my spirit and rediscover its power.
Although I am 191 days into my self-love journey, I still have so much more to learn and discover and experience. And I think that is the idea behind genuine self-love; this idea that there is always room to grow, and build, and better yourself. I have become comfortable with being uncomfortable - because I know that at the end lies valuable knowledge that will add to my overall character and strengthen the love that I have for myself.
Tips for your self-love journey:
Remember that it is okay to cry
In those moments that you find yourself on the verge of regressing is when you MUST CONTINUE MOVING FORWARD
1 bad day or week does not mean you need to start over
Hold yourself accountable in every single way
Author: Jordan Orozco
Editor: Mylinh Huynh