Rose colored glasses serve as a filter, they prevent you from seeing things as they are. So when you finally take off the rose colored glasses, everything around you is clear and unfiltered. You look at yourself in the mirror a little bit harder and you truly self-reflect. You stare at yourself and you think “How did I get here?”, It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this
When my long term relationship finally ended, it was long overdue. We both were mentally checked out, we didn’t know if we even loved each other or we just stayed with one another for convenience. We let it get so bad to the point where we didn’t know who we were without each other. It was a harsh reality to face, at the end of the day I wanted to blame everyone but myself. But I had to realize that, I allowed for all this to happen. Allowed my independence to be shackled, allowed myself to be isolated from my friends and family. Allowed myself to not set firm boundaries. I finally started seeing things for what they were. We all know that patterns and behaviors are hard to break through especially when they have been constant and fixed.
This realization pushed me into gaining my independence back. I started checking in with my therapist a bit more frequently, we had a few more sessions surrounding my identity and what I need to do in order to undo the past few years. It began with a lot of self-reflection and journaling. I remember this one specific homework she gave me, it was to write down the qualities I seek in my next partner. But what she didn’t tell me was that these are qualities I should be working on for myself. She mentioned that unless I have these qualities, I will end up in the same situation. Although it has only been a few months, I have reconnected with my friends, my family, and most importantly; myself. It is so freeing to know that I can make decisions for myself and that I am capable of validating myself without the approval of others.
If there is anything that I could share with anyone that is going through what I’ve gone through; put yourself first. Growth never stops, self love is never ending, and self-reflection is constant. The most cliche quotes are cliche because they are true: you cannot love anybody before you love yourself. The more you like and treasure yourself, the less you seek validation and approval from others. It’s time to live life unfiltered, time to live for yourself, and be unapologetically you.
Author - Clarinda Alcarez
Editor - Mylinh Huynh
Instagram - @ca.alx